Alan Partridge: 30 of the funniest quotes from the past 30 years


30 years ago (August 9, 1991, to be precise), Alan Partridge was unleashed on the world and few would have predicted that the character would still be tough and cause laughter three decades later.

Steve Coogan was only 26 when he first played the role in Episode 1 of the satirical news program On the Hour on BBC Radio 4 in the UK.

Through various TV shows, film, book and even podcasts, Partridge’s squeaky sensibility and dated take on British life have endeared him to millions of fans and helped inspire other comedy shows. beloved Britons such as Intermediate and Peep Show. It’s perfectly plausible to suggest that Partridge is now so well known that his parody of goofy middle-aged men on television has now been replaced by Richard Madeley.

Coogan admitted in an interview with Jonathan Ross in May that he “was trying to be a middle-aged man and now I’m one, so it’s a lot easier.” Comedy author Armando Iannucci, who helped create the character, told Radio schedules in March: “It was almost like he was fully formed – the moment he started talking we laughed because we all thought ‘we kind of know this guy, we know his aspirations. “

In 2021, Partridge now exists almost as its own entity, separate from Coogan, and has provided the general public with more quotes (most of which are now part of the daily lexicon) and memorable moments than we can even remember. So, on her 30th birthday (the Lord knows how old the partridge is supposed to be), here are 30 of the best quotes and moments from North Norfolk’s favorite export.

1. “Hello Suzanne. I was a little bored so I took my Corby trouser press apart. I can’t put it back on. Will this show on my invoice?”

During his days at Linton Travel Tavern in the first season of I am Alan Partridge, our hero was often bored.

2. “This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little baby can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier I put in a pound of Dundee cake mash, let’s throw a at a glance … not a trace Peace of mind I’m sure, especially if you have elderly parents on board.

Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business.

3. “The temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a squirt of melted Bramley apple will shoot out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is falling apart.

Partridge tries to settle a heated dispute at a power station.

4. “Go to London, and I guarantee you will be either assaulted or unappreciated.” Take the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.

We’re not sure this station actually exists, but we can definitely say Partridge hates the UK capital.

5. “Calm down, Lynn! You suffer from whiplash in underage women »

Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn.

6. “A tough guy! I think I should say… ‘The best of the Beatles’.

Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. He also thinks Wings was Paul McCartney’s best band.

7. “Bloody Sunday Sunday. ‘ What a beautiful song. It sums up the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it? You wake up in the morning, you have to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you have to mow the lawn, wash the car and you say to yourself “Sunday, damn Sunday!”

Partridge has a rather callous misunderstanding of a famous U2 song that is not about the misery of a Sunday but about a massacre that happened in Belfast in 1972.

8. “Gladiators’ Jet to host a Millennium Barn Dance at Yeovil Airfield.” Correctly watched. It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave.

Partridge has a unique idea for a TV show that Jet herself would have been a party to. Other great ideas Partridge had for television included “Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank”, “Inner-city Sumo” and “Monkey Tennis”.

9. I’d just like to fly a helicopter all around Norfolk. You know, go for a field. Scare a donkey to fall into a river. Fly over one of those boring families going on a cycling vacation. And yell at them “get out of the area!” And watch them panic!

Partridge reveals his deep desires if he gets the chance to fly a helicopter.

10. “It was liquid football! “

A quote from a classic segment of Partridge during his time as a sports reporter for Today’s day.

11. “I wanted to see Roger Moore take on Fiona Fullerton. And instead, I have to watch a giant Michael Bolton lookalike, in a tight waistcoat, throw an oven over bales of hay.

Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion.

12. “Smell my cheese, mother!” “

Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show.

13. “In 1974 I took the train from London to Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last minute rush for the only seat remaining next to a tall, handsome man with long hair, it was the seventies; Buckaroo! I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the pinnacle of his Blue Peter career. He said, “You motherfucker” and lightning fast, I said, “Don’t be blue, Peter!”

Relive an anecdote about a hectic train journey.

14. “I would have taken it off sooner, but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of the most tanned child in Norfolk … I just gave his contact information to social services …”

Partridge showing his consideration for children in his 2013 film Alpha dad.

15. “Let me tell you something about the Titanic: People forget that on the Titanic’s maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful and very enjoyable sailing before it hit the iceberg. “

Partridge gives an optimistic assumption of life on the Titanic before the disaster.

16. “Imagine two things that you like. Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. Strawberries and cream. Egg and bacon. Yawn and scratch. Johnson and Johnson. Charles and Camille. But what about drugs and sex? It’s Chemex.

Our goofy radio host gives a unique introduction to the world of drug-based sex fetishes.

17. “Actually, I took some notes. Yes, bacon – ten out of ten, button mushrooms – bingo, black pudding – snap, uh, minor criticism, more distance between eggs and beans. Maybe I want to mix them up, but I want it to be my decision. Use a sausage as a breakwater. But I peck, overall a very good effort, seven against ten.

Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast.

18. “An egg still in its shell looks good but … It’s from the 90s.”

Partridge cautions viewers against the “freegan” lifestyle.

19. “Dan is a fantastic man! He really is. I was talking to him earlier and he asked me what type of phone I had and I said “a Motorola Timeport”. And he said, “this is saaad, you want to upgrade”. I said, ‘you too – to a new face’. He almost got dirty.

Great joke between Partridge and his friend Dan.

20. “Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point! “

The most horrific moment in Partridge history.

21. “The pace of the Mégane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. Uphill races become commonplace, while overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long-term affair. These are not my words, Carol, these are the words of Top Gear Magazine.

Partridge only draws his words of wisdom from the best sources.

22. “It was Joni Mitchell’s ‘Big Yellow Taxi’, a song in which Joni complains about ‘paving heaven to set up a parking lot’, a measure that would have actually reduced traffic jams on the outskirts of the city. paradise, something Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit his blind worldview. Nonetheless, beautiful song.

An interesting take on an otherwise iconic song.

23. “There is never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in men a few weeks ago I saw that someone had drawn the role of a woman. Fairly detailed. The guy was obviously talented.

Art criticism was clearly not Partridge’s calling.

24. “I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat a whole Toblerone. And I don’t mean a little. I mean medium height. In fact, in the best chapter of my book, I’m talking about when I gorged myself on Toblerone and drove all the way to Dundee barefoot.

Partridge’s addiction to chocolate takes a disturbing turn.

25. “Do you know what this room tells me?” Aqua. Who is French for water. It’s like being inside a huge Fox’s Glacier Mint, which, again, is a bonus to me.

Her thoughts on her new bathroom are fresh to say the least.

26. I have to say, Pat, kids don’t make you happy. Some of the most unhappy times of my life have been with my children. I remember … a beach vacation in Prestatyn. The kids came up to me and said, “Daddy, Daddy! Follow me ”, and… you know… I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. When I finally got there, all they had done was dig a big hole. Wretched.”

Partridge doesn’t seem to have many fond memories of her offspring.

27. “I am 47 years old; my girlfriend is 33 years old. she is 14 years younger than me. At the bottom of the net! “

Obviously, Partridge is thrilled with the age gap between him and his girlfriend Sonja.

28. “Imagine ITV is a housing estate. There are 15 dealers doing a little of this, a little of that. Then one day, two big guys are driving. Range Rover blackened, a little muscle. It’s Carlton and Granada. They look around and say, “We’re teaming up, this could be our mansion. We could sort these pies right away. So they ride the money, bang a few heads together. A few years later, it was launched under the name ITV PLC. All wrapped up in a pretty little bow. You couldn’t make it up.

Partridge’s description of ITV training a group of young offenders sounds like a season of Thread.

29. “Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As ‘Lovely Things’. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin ‘Stevens.

Only the big names gave quotes for Partridge’s autobiography.

30. “Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city center? I’ll be honest, I died against it. I mean, people forget that traders need access to * DIXONS *! They say it will help people in * wheelchairs *. “

Partridge’s sexy speech leaves a lot to the imagination.

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